6 - HELPERS

The second tsunami: Relief aid, like the tsunami, came in a massive wave, an unprecedented outpouring of compassion and generosity from a caring world. But the distribution and impact of this peculiar bonanza has inevitably been less than perfect.

Even among the grieving families there is a mixed response to the well-meaning caregivers. The simple stories of loss and grief get muddied by press reports of complications. Newly-arrived helpers and material are not distributed equitably; helpers are occasionally – rarely – reported to have abused vulnerable victims, even some outright theft. The NGO’s are accused – sometimes by “competing” organizations – of manipulating the crisis for their own publicity and gain. And swirling through these contradictory media reports are articles worrying that ceasefire violations and political favoritism might upset the delicate ceasefire agreement from a war now stretching back two decades. It is easy for the mourning and the healing that goes with it to get sidetracked.

Can there be too much help? Some observers suggest that the affected children, most of them from poor fishing communities, cannot fully absorb the toys, the food parcels, the crayons and the attentions of the kind-hearted foreigners who sit with them to draw pictures, show instant photos and offer counsel in various forms. Journalists hold microphones to their faces and listen to harrowing tales. Heart-wrenching episodes are transmitted verbatim for the media world, incidents possibly embellished as each new interviewer re-winds the memories of the event.

Then just as suddenly as they came, the helpers leave. Their “deliverables” – the play therapy, art therapy, drama therapy and all the many other forms of intervention – are passed like a relay team to another set of newcomers. The visitors are mostly short term folks who must return to their universities, their regular jobs, and their own life styles.

Local caregivers, themselves already experts in all these modalities – surely, after 20 years of internal conflict they are overloaded with their own therapeutic programs – follow through. There is one benefit: they receive a booster shot to their skills and energy. The visiting experts reinforce and validate the dedication of the resident caregivers.

Obstacles to long-term action: Welcome as they are, the high profile visits of heads of state and UN leaders tends to keep focus on the immediate crisis. Asking to see first the devastation, their visits tend to confirm an ongoing, urgent need for relief for the people’s pain. The result: emergency medical/surgical teams keep arriving, only to find little work to do. One side effect: the excess of first-line medical capabilities shows by contrast the core deficiencies in basic health care available in poor communities.

Surveys: There are lots of surveys – “assessments” in the jargon of humanitarian aid – and many checklists of first response actions to be taken. Teams of counselors (local and international) carrying lists of do’s and don’ts have combed the stricken areas, but they could not remain on scene long enough to move beyond “mental first-aid” to witness and address the inevitable, post-honeymoon heroic phase, the time when reality hits and disillusionment begins. This is the phase when special medical procedures like DNA tests are needed, when those assumed to be “missing” are accepted as gone, when deaths are certified, insurance claims are filed, and families and communities start to rebuild.

As this second stage unfolds within a harsher climate, the initial “coalition of compassion” begins to crack apart at fault-lines still unhealed. The heavier tasks lie here, in this troublesome second stage, as leaders learn to tolerate tensions, make good the promises to the needy, steadily face the aftershocks, attend funerals, invent new rituals and make maximum use of international support.

A personal caution for helpers: All wounds do not heal at the same speed and there is no right or wrong way to feel. We project onto the helpless those feelings and thoughts we think would emerge within us if placed in their circumstances. Hence smiling children annoy those who want see them cry, while others wonder “why be sad?” when so much compassion pours in. We must seriously guard against maneuvering those needing help around our hidden wish to fulfill our own fantasies.

Keep perspective. There are tsunamis that affect most of us but not all in equal share. I saw a polio-crippled beggar this morning, angling his way across a busy intersection. He reads no paper, might even have overheard this new word “tsunami” but limps on.

Life can be hard, loss is common. Unless one is directly impacted, the tasks of daily life can take up all one’s energy and attention.