4 - LOSS AND CONNECTION

I continue my observations of societal stress from Colombo.

Sharing the grief “May they attain nibbana” (nirvana) is usually the final line appearing in obituary announcements for Buddhists. These days there are many. One example: under photographs of two middle aged women and a smiling girl, possibly 16 or 17, a brother writes, “We express our heartfelt appreciation and gratitude to all members of Sri Lanka, Buddhist priests, doctors, and staff of the hospital, relatives, lawyers, doctors members of the armed forces, friends in Sri Lanka and overseas who called at our residence, attended the funeral, sent messages of condolence and floral tributes, and assisted in numerous ways while standing by us at our time of need and grief at the demise of ... and ..., our sister, sister-in-law, cousin, daughter in the tsunami on 26^th December 2004. We also thank everybody who attended the almsgiving”.

A friend and medical schoolmate phoned. “David! don’t forget to come to my mother’s death anniversary almsgiving.” His mother died over 10 years ago, but I have often been present at the yearly custom where close family and special friends gather for the ceremony of almsgiving when food, and sometimes gifts, are bestowed on the invited monks. In addition to chanting “pirith” the monks may make short sermons noting the impermanence of life and blessing the departed. Once the monks complete their meal, (they must eat before noon) the gathering is an occasion for family members to be together, remember the departed, and partake a vegetarian lunch.

The event bears some similarity to the traditional American thanksgiving where family links are strengthened and a inventory taken of who’s gone, who’s born, who’s prospering, and who’s not. Sometimes the Buddhist ceremony involves the tying of thread blessed by the priests around the wrists of those present. In a future blog I will say more on the meaning of this practice, the “nool” of connectedness -- in the Sinhala language the “thread”.

What about us? During Sri Lanka’s 20 year war, the disabled, especially the military casualties, received considerable sympathy and modern medical/psychological support. This aroused the resentment of ordinary people with disabilities. The ordinary disabled were not only neglected, they were often stigmatized and made objects of discrimination. Now it is the turn of the poor in the areas not affected by the tsunami. The outpouring of relief aid has been focused on the people hit directly by the tsunami. Left homeless, hopeless and in deep grief, these largely poor populations have received great sympathy, offers of assistance to rebuild their damaged homes, and other benefits including a previously rare level of medical attention. Naturally, the “How about us?” syndrome has spread among the undamaged populations.

I have seen this before. While assessing mental health needs in Southeast Asia following the Cambodian crisis and the harrowing times of the Vietnamese boat people, I noticed this phenomenon in Bataan in the Philippines. The delivery of basic necessities to Vietnamese refugee camp dwellers stirred the envy of the neighboring – and far less endowed – villagers. This is a challenge for national leaders, disaster managers, aid donors and economists who must weigh crisis needs against development strategies.

Another phenomenon: survivor guilt. I am hearing tales of unrelenting survivor guilt among those who escaped the tsunami’s rage, and of many who speak of envying the dead.

Responder stress. An important kind of “compassion fatigue” has started to show among people aiding the survivors of the tsunami, especially among those ordinary civilian neighbors involved in rescue work or the gruesome tasks of unearthing bodies, often those of family members and friends. We must anticipate and be prepared to deal with these kinds of mental repercussions, which are possibly much more complicated than for traditional emergency workers. But even experienced military personnel and Red Cross workers tasked with body identification and recovery suffer psychological fallout.